Hello again. How was your day? I'm joking, I don't care- I can't even hear you respond. Another day, another story from the old country. The sex tourism continued with the English guys, they chased pussy like their life depended on it. I can hardly blame them though- when a bunch of red-blooded males come to a country that is filled to the brim with good looking women, what else can you expect?
So, another one of the English guys (we'll call him B. here) decided that he wanted some Russian tail too. So one day after work he came to the cafe we always eat in after work and spotted a very cute waitress called (J) - nice body, kind of petite, and a sweet face. The next day we came in and he bought her some flowers and I asked her when she came off work so he could give them to her. I remember one of my teachers seeing me coming in to 6th form with flowers for my first girlfriend and him saying 'once you get them flowers once, they'll always expect them'... how right he was. After spending an infuriating night basically having to go on a double date with him, this Russian waitress (J.) and her friend (S.) and having to awkwardly avoid a few attempts by her friend, he managed to get what he was after - some fleshy Russian flaps (I assume they were fleshy from the shorts she was wearing, I can't really confirm though... I'll ask tomorrow if you want?).
Sexy
Unfortunately for him, it all went more tits up than Bono's attempts at being a morally superior human being from then on. She started asking if this meant she was his boyfriend and if she could go visit him at work. We do 12 hour shifts of manual work being well macho. She then wanted to sleep over for the rest of the time he was here, and her friend did not understand when I said 'NO' (literally sat her down and explained that it wasn't gonna ever happen). Obviously this poor boy was scared shitless considering this girl was offering something like a bastard version of marriage after sleeping with him for one night. She even called him 'my husband', only partly joking I think. On top of all this, we then found out from another waitress that she's actually 17- which is underage in Russia (see other post for why that is BAD). Strangely enough once we found out she was only 17, we ended up having to treat her very nicely and taking her out for meals after we got back from work.
Thankfully though she's disappeared for now, but her final scene beats anything from a Shakespearian play. J. and her friend, S., had come to B.'s room in the hotel and we were all sitting there and chatting. Suddenly both of them disappeared to the toilet and didn't emerge for about 20 minutes. We joked that they were taking a shit together or whatever, and when they finally came out I took them downstairs to explain that this has all gone far too far, and would you nice freaky bitches vacate our hotel room (see 'Hoes in my room' by Ludacris for details). When I came back upstairs I found that the girls had been in the toilet together because one of them had actually decided to 'drop some friends off at the pool' and when they dragged me into the toilet to see, I was greeted by one of the guy's aftershave and two massive logs of shit floating side to side like a railway line in the toilet. From then on the girls have disappeared (for now) and the only thing that is left of them is memories of that horrific accident in the toilet... oh and there was no toilet paper that they could've used.
not for you, slags.
There was loads of begging and saying J. had nowhere to stay and whatever, and general manipulation. But thank god that's over with. On the bright side, it's also got rid of a part of my job that I really didn't enjoy as translator- which was chatting up Russian girls for them. That experience has put them off for life- those bums don't look as nice once you see what comes out of them, and what goes on in the brains behind those pretty faces.
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